Why you should be practicing self-compassion & how to get started
Self-compassion has become one of the more widely researched topics and for good reason. While it may seem obvious to "be kind to yourself" research shows that this actually a common struggle leading to poor mental health and increased symptoms of things like depression and anxiety. On the flip side, individuals with a strong self-compassion practice are showing lower levels of anxiety and depression, more relationship satisfaction, more steady feelings of self-worth, more grit & determination to reach their goals, and the list goes on and on. So why aren't individuals using this free skill?
Well, in order to practice self-compassion you have to practice a little thing called mindfulness. In self-compassion, mindfulness refers to bringing attention to the feeling exactly as it is. This means that we actually have to acknowledge, label, and feel the discomfort. Now why would we want to do that? Well, for one, we can't heal what we can't feel. If we really want to experience relief, we have to acknowledge the painful feeling at hand. In a world where it's easy to "avoid pain and seek pleasure" this almost feels unnatural. But research shows that simply acknowledging and labeling our pain can help reduce it.
So how does self-compassion work? Well, Kristin Neff, Ph.D who is known as a leading expert in self-compassion talks about the 3 core components: mindfulness, common humanity, and self-kindness. Applying them looks something like this --
Wow, this is a really hard time in my life. But I know I'm not alone in this experience and being a human means experiencing tough seasons. I'm going to treat myself kindly and take care of myself today by doing my favorite activity.
Other activities may be doing things like writing a compassionate letter to yourself, listening to a loving kindness meditation, or visiting https://self-compassion.org for other free exercises.
By using the three core components of self-compassion you can start to treat difficult seasons with grace instead of criticism. Hard times are inevitable. Suffering doesn't have to be. Consider bringing this up in therapy with your therapist and gaining more self compassion today!
Robyn Sonnier, LPC, NCC, CCTP-II, CMCC
Co-Owner of Clarté Counseling, LLC
